December 10, 2019

Review Your Vice Is a Locked Room and Only I Have the Key (1972)


Your Vice is a Locked Room and Only I Have the Key

Wait. Let's just let that title sit for a bit.  How fucking good is that title?  70's Italian Giallo's have the best fucking names.  Ok, now that we've all appreciated the greatest title in horror history (don't @ me) let's talk about the film.

Wtf!? It says it's "freely adapted" from Edgar Allan Poe's The Black Cat and "freely" is a damn understatement.  I won't spoil anything but if you're familiar with Poe's story then there is one key famous element taken from his story but the rest is pure Sergio Martino madness and thank god for that.

For real this opened with one of the most bizarre scenes I've ever seen.  Like it took my brain a good 5 minutes to recover and start making sense of this movie.  It's not even like deliberately abstract or anything it's just THIS ISN'T HOW HUMAN BEINGS ACT.  Get ready for one of the most awkward dinner party scenes in existence.

It's pretty much immediately established that the lead dude is like the worst fucking person you've ever met.  The. FUCKING. Worst.  A misogynistic, adultering, racist who also somehow manages to just fuck anything that movies whether they want to or not (trigger warning). It's a Giallo so of course there are murders, the police suspect our main asshole and his own wife becomes suspicious of him so to get her to believe him he CONSTANTLY THREATENS TO MURDER HER.  This dude is fucking dense.

Then his niece played by Edwige Fenech shows up and guess what Captain Douchebag wants to do? If you guessed fuck his niece, you'd be right and gross.  Listen Edwige is one of the most attractive film actress from this era but goddamn bro she family.

Listen. There's a lot more murders, even more incest, some weird ass out of no where subplots, lesbians, motorcycle races, nudity, and cats all presented under the GREATEST GODDAMN FILM TITLE!

I'm giving it all the stars.  70's Italian Giallos are the best and all your favorite 80's slashers just stole from them, shush you know it.

Available on Amazon Prime.

#horror #nothorror #horrofanatic #horrorlover #horrorjunkie #horroraddict #horrorfan #horrorgram #horrorfilm #horrormovie #horrornerd #movieoftheday

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